I talk to all different people throughout the day, a meaningful chat with my husband, a light hearted anecdote with my
children, a quick catch up with friends and colleagues …yesterday I had a short
unexpected chat with my exterminator that left me feeling inspired so, of
course, I need to share.
Jim has been coming to our home for the past six years,
doing a wonderful job of keeping all the creepy crawlies outside where they
belong! We’ve chatted it up through the years, the casual how have you been?
How’s your garden fairing this season? Small talk. But today when he came I was
apologizing for how disorderly my house is and how unprepared I was for his
visit, despite my joy in seeing him because in the past 3 days I’ve encountered
more spiders than I care to in a lifetime…anyway I apologized for what in my
world seems like a mess (I’m a bit neurotic when it comes to my house) and
explained to him that I had been away and was behind in my chores. With that he
seemed to perk up with interest, wanting to know where I had been on my trip to
which I quickly clarified that it was no vacation but a clinical residency for
my graduate degree.
A few minutes later he asked me what I was going to school
for, I told him and he went silent for a moment, tilted his head to the side and stared at me.
I’ve had some interesting responses and reactions from people but the momentary
silence caught me off guard- but then he leaned up against the wall, looked me
square in the eye and with all the seriousness he could muster up said: “I’ve been married for 30 years- how do I get out
of it?! “
I burst out laughing. We had a quick chuckle but it was what
he told me afterward that is resonating in my mind. I commented on what a
rarity he and his wife are, 30 years devoted and committed to each other is
amazing and he told me that they actually married in 1961- we did the math and
it would seem it’s been so good he lost 20 years somewhere! They are
celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary this year. Wow. He went
on to tell me a little story about his wife.
She is a petite woman and over the years she had put some
weight on, enough that she required a cane when walking. He went home one
afternoon and spoke to her, telling her that he was worried that she was going
to get sick one day, that something was going to happen to her because of her
unhealthy habits and he didn’t want to experience that. Now, as a woman myself,
I was really curious as to what her response was to hearing this from him. I
half expected to hear that he spent a few nights sleeping on the sofa! However,
he said she went online, researched healthy eating habits and nutrition plans
and lost over 100 pounds in the first year!
The decision, motivation and commitment to changing her
lifestyle deserves major applause but it could have gone really different- she
could have gotten defensive, angry or hurt by this declaration that she needed
to lose weight. So, what stopped that from happening? It was the WAY he spoke
to her. His words were spoken with love. He didn’t go home and start putting
her down, criticizing her or calling her names. He made a choice to express to
her that he loves her, is worried about her and would be really upset if something
bad happen to her. It’s a simple lesson we can all take into our personal relationships-
before you speak, take a moment and make sure the words will come from a place
of love and not criticism, nagging, defensiveness or anger.
Don Miguel Ruiz in The
Four Agreements tells us that “The word is the most powerful tool you have
as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word
can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around
you.” Be impeccable with your word.
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