Got Change?

How many times in a day or week do you think about something in your life that you would like to change? Perhaps it is a desire to change jobs, eat healthier, stay more positive, move to a new city or make a change in a personal relationship. Recognizing the need for change is always the first step in the transition process but how often do we find ourselves unable to move to the next step toward making that change? Fear sets in when we think about all that is involved in making the transformation, all the unknown factors we must face and fear keeps you stuck! For some people it is easier to stay stuck in a life situation rather than face the fear. But why not face the fear?

William Bridges, author of Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, says that “every transition begins with an ending. We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new…” In trying to figure out why change is often viewed as such a scary thing, I can’t help but wonder if perhaps the letting go of the “old thing” is actually the scary part and not necessarily the unknown of the future? So how can you take the steps needed and push fear aside?

Start by getting rid of clutter, not the clutter in your home-unless that is the change you are trying to make! But rather the emotional clutter, the negative thoughts about yourself, self-judgments you hold. Look at how you have handled change in the past and evaluate the coping skills you were able to use to get through that transition. If coping skills were lacking, then perhaps consider what strategies you need to learn this time around-having a support system in place can make a huge difference in your ability to successfully get through a life transition. 

Change often requires reprogramming the mind (the way you think about things) and a whole lot of inspiration! I am a huge fan of the methods used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). CBT helps to change the way we think about our beliefs, ideas or attitudes. One of the methods used is guided imagery-which utilizes the imagination to create a vision. In other words, you can visualize the change you are seeking, and imagine what that change looks and feel like. The more positive reinforcement and detail within the image the better- but it is also important to keep it simple at first. The basic idea is to then try to recreate the positive experience envisioned in the guided imagery exercise. If big changes are what you seek, it can sometimes help to break it down into smaller goals and work your way up. 

However big or small the change is that you want, fear should not stand in your way from making it happen. Do not let yourself become overwhelmed by change but rather embrace it and accept it. 

To learn more about CBT or to find a CBT trained therapist in your area please click here

Impeccable Words

I talk to all different people throughout the day, a meaningful chat with my husband, a light hearted anecdote with my children, a quick catch up with friends and colleagues …yesterday I had a short unexpected chat with my exterminator that left me feeling inspired so, of course, I need to share.

Jim has been coming to our home for the past six years, doing a wonderful job of keeping all the creepy crawlies outside where they belong! We’ve chatted it up through the years, the casual how have you been? How’s your garden fairing this season? Small talk. But today when he came I was apologizing for how disorderly my house is and how unprepared I was for his visit, despite my joy in seeing him because in the past 3 days I’ve encountered more spiders than I care to in a lifetime…anyway I apologized for what in my world seems like a mess (I’m a bit neurotic when it comes to my house) and explained to him that I had been away and was behind in my chores. With that he seemed to perk up with interest, wanting to know where I had been on my trip to which I quickly clarified that it was no vacation but a clinical residency for my graduate degree.

A few minutes later he asked me what I was going to school for, I told him and he went silent for a moment, tilted his head to the side and stared at me. I’ve had some interesting responses and reactions from people but the momentary silence caught me off guard- but then he leaned up against the wall, looked me square in the eye and with all the seriousness he could muster up said: “I’ve been married for 30 years- how do I get out of it?! “

I burst out laughing. We had a quick chuckle but it was what he told me afterward that is resonating in my mind. I commented on what a rarity he and his wife are, 30 years devoted and committed to each other is amazing and he told me that they actually married in 1961- we did the math and it would seem it’s been so good he lost 20 years somewhere! They are celebrating their 50^th wedding anniversary this year. Wow. He went on to tell me a little story about his wife.

She is a petite woman and over the years she had put some weight on, enough that she required a cane when walking. He went home one afternoon and spoke to her, telling her that he was worried that she was going to get sick one day, that something was going to happen to her because of her unhealthy habits and he didn’t want to experience that. Now, as a woman myself, I was really curious as to what her response was to hearing this from him. I half expected to hear that he spent a few nights sleeping on the sofa! However, he said she went online, researched healthy eating habits and nutrition plans and lost over 100 pounds in the first year!

The decision, motivation and commitment to changing her lifestyle deserves major applause but it could have gone really different- she could have gotten defensive, angry or hurt by this declaration that she needed to lose weight. So, what stopped that from happening? It was the WAY he spoke to her. His words were spoken with love. He didn’t go home and start putting her down, criticizing her or calling her names. He made a choice to express to her that he loves her, is worried about her and would be really upset if something bad happen to her. It’s a simple lesson we can all take into our personal relationships- before you speak, take a moment and make sure the words will come from a place of love and not criticism, nagging, defensiveness or anger.

Don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements tells us that “The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human; it is the tool of magic. But like a sword with two edges, your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you.” Be impeccable with your word. 

Sometimes Change is Good

I have been doing a lot of writing lately, unfortunately none of it has been for fun and entertainment! Writing has always been a great source of expression for me and I am grateful to those who have taken the time to sit and read my rantings about the silly pups in my world. The past year has brought about many new things in my life, exciting things, but they have also meant making some changes. I made the difficult decision earlier this summer to close Endless Pawsibilities Pet Care. It was not easy, especially because the business was new and growing and quite honestly, I loved spending time with all my furry friends...and the occasional fish/ turtle (can't leave anyone out) but sometimes change is good.

I have been plugging away at my masters degree for 2 years now and I am jumping for joy as I count and report that I only have 6 more classes to go...with that particular degree. I am working towards my masters as a marriage and family therapist, a life long dream for me! I believe the sky is the limit when it comes to personal growth and when I set my mind to something- look out, I'm going to make it happen! When I got the idea earlier this year to add clinical addictions counseling to the resume, that meant dual graduate programs. With a ton of support and encouragement from my husband, I applied to a second university, was accepted and began classwork for the extra certification. So, 6 more classes for my MS MFT and 3 to go on the CAS certificate...then it's off to practicum and internships.

I miss writing for pleasure, and quite honestly I think it is a great way to express, connect and process all life throws my way so, I feel excited to say that Endless Pawsibilities will remain partially alive...at least as a blog, a place where I can share more than pet tales but also real life tales and experiences as I complete my journey towards LMFT and LCAS. I hope you'll stick around and enjoy my new twist on the "Endless Pawsibilities" life has to offer...